Posted in Life

Tea and Biscuits

 

In India we have a cute way of eating biscuits. we dip it into tea.

Tea, the brownish liquid which is responsible for a variety of things for variety of people in India. Some, need it to awaken from their wonderful dreams, some, just so that they get the appropriate machinery working to have a successful bowel movement, some just to have the first cigarette of the day or the  first good morning of the day. A cup of tea shared between two lovers, three flatmates or few friends, at the start of the day is very soothing for most people. And the best part is, there is no age restrictions on having that great time with this amazing nectar.

This tea, is mostly drunk with a few biscuits. The biscuit is dipped into the tea( taking care the fingers don’t touch the liquid) for a few seconds till it gets a bit moist and then popped into the mouth, half at a time. and then the next half is dipped again , and consumed whole, relishing the taste of hot biscuit and tea.

Now, there are a few people who like to play pranks on people. Their modus operandi is, that they will wait for the other person to dip the biscuit into the tea and immediately ask them a question. The person becomes distracted. While he processes the question  and articulates an answer, the biscuit is too moist, so it will break off and settle down right at the bottom. Then he will use another biscuit to try to spoon it up and eat it, though mostly, he will lose that piece as well. It is very entertaining.

I recently observed this taken to the next level. I was traveling on the countryside and was taking a break from driving by have snacks at a roadside inn. There was an old villager sitting at a table, a pack of biscuits at his side. My interest peaked, waiting for the glass of tea, and then process would start.

To my surprise, a waiter brought a local brand of alcoholic drink in the same glass which served tea, and the gentleman proceeded to dip the first biscuit of the pack into it.

I was taken aback …

Posted in Humor

Right side… Left side… Wrong side…

I never really understood the concept of a left hand drive and a right hand drive vehicle.
I especially don’t understand why some countries prefer to drive on the right side of the road, while the rest drive on the left side of the road. I am sure I understand why some people try to drive on the wrong side of the road, but then they might get the benefit of doubt of not knowing which side the vehicles are supposed to be driven in that particular country.

Why can’t we have a standard for such things. A global standard which says we can drive on the left/right side of the road ?

There are a lot of trucks which ply between UK and the European countries. Now these trucks drive till Dover, take a ferry to their destination country and then start driving on the other side of the road. The steering wheel is on the right side of the truck and yet these trucks themselves go from the right side. Extremely difficult to drive.

Trust me. I tried.

Within the first 10 mins, I managed to bang into two cars, a signpost, and a signal. I also managed to get a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road.

It would have gotten much worse, I am sure, but at that precise moment, my laptop crashed.

Maybe, even it was not able to comprehend this notion.

Posted in Humor

Stupid Announcements

airplane

 

Have you ever travelled by an Airplane ? If not you should try it before reading further, because – *spoiler alert*

Whenever I travel, the first thing I do is check-in the luggage. Here, one of the crew members will point out my flight number and seat number, circling it so that I would not miss it – * Oh, how helpful. If only my school had spoon fed me with such information, by now I would have been a successful garbage disposal executive*

Next, comes emigration, where they will ask where you are going, just to make sure you know that where ever you are supposed to go is properly engraved in your mind. Or perhaps the kind souls just want to ask – ” Really ? are you sure ? ”

Then the awkward walk around the airport, looking for a lounge compatible with your credit card offer – *Just pay for it you cheap bastard*.

Then the “Magic voice ” telling all the passengers of a certain flight number to walk to a certain gate number with an alphabet – * 10A for example. Perhaps they were afraid they would run out of numbers and added alphabets to the numbers*

Then there would be queue at the gate where your ticket would be checked.

Then a smaller lounge, where you will wait till all the passengers will get to have their tickets examined.

Next, you get to get your ticket examined again by a gatekeeper before going to the flight gate and getting your ticket examined again, only this time you get a “welcome” from a beautiful young lady.

Now, after some time, the flight takes off and the “put your seat belt on” sign disappears.

The captain announces ” This is your captain speaking. you are now travelling to …. place and we are cruising over 35000 feet.”

This always makes me wonder. Why does the captain announce the destination and altitude ? We know where we are going. You made sure at-least four times so that  no one would say, “Oh shit, I am on the wrong flight, please land this. I want to get off “. Is that why you announce the altitude ? so that you can simply say , ” Sorry mate. We are too high up now. It will take you approximately 20 mins to go ‘splash’ if you jump out now.”

I simply don’t care.

Posted in Humor

Keys… to flying

Have you ever wondered if the pilots on the airplane need to insert keys to start a plane ?

I have often thought about it. I always imagine that the pilot will always have to insert the key into the ignition and twist it to the right side to start the plane’s engines.

That makes me wonder, what would happen if the pilot forgot his keys at home ? Is that why we get the “technical issues” when we board the flight ?

The pilot might be saying , ” Oh crap. I left the keys in my other pants. Well, can’t really tell the passengers this, can we . Let’s just say we have a technical issue and in the meantime, send a steward to the tower to pickup the spare keys.”

Posted in Life

Drivers…

I hate driving.

The entire process of “wind blowing through my hair” and “feeling the freedom of open roads” doesn’t really appeal to me. I can just hire a driver and a car to do just those things without the extra effort of driving in dense, bumper to bumper traffic. The whole notion of keep-shifting-gears-from first-to-second-and-back-to-first in a span of 30 seconds and repeat this procedure hours at a time, is too taxing on my legs, arms and buttocks. Then there is also the constant checking the mirrors to check if it is safe to backup or change the lane, or the constant fear of you hitting a dog.
Mind you, there is a chance to have great calf muscles built because of this exercise, but those are just for the left leg ( clutch for right hand drive) .

But be that as it may, it never bothers me, when I see a guy, trying to park his car parallel to the footpath and taking 10 tries to do it,I always think of how I would have do it.

For some reason, my brain doesn’t comprehend, that I hate driving.