Posted in Humor

Right side… Left side… Wrong side…

I never really understood the concept of a left hand drive and a right hand drive vehicle.
I especially don’t understand why some countries prefer to drive on the right side of the road, while the rest drive on the left side of the road. I am sure I understand why some people try to drive on the wrong side of the road, but then they might get the benefit of doubt of not knowing which side the vehicles are supposed to be driven in that particular country.

Why can’t we have a standard for such things. A global standard which says we can drive on the left/right side of the road ?

There are a lot of trucks which ply between UK and the European countries. Now these trucks drive till Dover, take a ferry to their destination country and then start driving on the other side of the road. The steering wheel is on the right side of the truck and yet these trucks themselves go from the right side. Extremely difficult to drive.

Trust me. I tried.

Within the first 10 mins, I managed to bang into two cars, a signpost, and a signal. I also managed to get a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road.

It would have gotten much worse, I am sure, but at that precise moment, my laptop crashed.

Maybe, even it was not able to comprehend this notion.

Posted in Humor

Why not ask ?

I was watching a program on the television recently. It was a comedy show.

The performer, stood on the stage, smiling and waving at the audience.

The very first line he said , ” I don’t know why I am here today.”.

I never understood this. If you don’t know why you are there, why not ask the organizers  when they come to invite you to do a skit ? It is not like you were surprised to be called on the stage.

Or perhaps, they suddenly have an epiphany or because self-aware of yourself, right in that divine place, of the stage facing thousands of pairs of eyes looking at you (or perhaps at your soul).

Posted in Humor

Stupid Announcements

airplane

 

Have you ever travelled by an Airplane ? If not you should try it before reading further, because – *spoiler alert*

Whenever I travel, the first thing I do is check-in the luggage. Here, one of the crew members will point out my flight number and seat number, circling it so that I would not miss it – * Oh, how helpful. If only my school had spoon fed me with such information, by now I would have been a successful garbage disposal executive*

Next, comes emigration, where they will ask where you are going, just to make sure you know that where ever you are supposed to go is properly engraved in your mind. Or perhaps the kind souls just want to ask – ” Really ? are you sure ? ”

Then the awkward walk around the airport, looking for a lounge compatible with your credit card offer – *Just pay for it you cheap bastard*.

Then the “Magic voice ” telling all the passengers of a certain flight number to walk to a certain gate number with an alphabet – * 10A for example. Perhaps they were afraid they would run out of numbers and added alphabets to the numbers*

Then there would be queue at the gate where your ticket would be checked.

Then a smaller lounge, where you will wait till all the passengers will get to have their tickets examined.

Next, you get to get your ticket examined again by a gatekeeper before going to the flight gate and getting your ticket examined again, only this time you get a “welcome” from a beautiful young lady.

Now, after some time, the flight takes off and the “put your seat belt on” sign disappears.

The captain announces ” This is your captain speaking. you are now travelling to …. place and we are cruising over 35000 feet.”

This always makes me wonder. Why does the captain announce the destination and altitude ? We know where we are going. You made sure at-least four times so that  no one would say, “Oh shit, I am on the wrong flight, please land this. I want to get off “. Is that why you announce the altitude ? so that you can simply say , ” Sorry mate. We are too high up now. It will take you approximately 20 mins to go ‘splash’ if you jump out now.”

I simply don’t care.

There was once a father, Who had three sons.

On his deathbed, the father gave his sons $100 and asked them to buy something which will fill up the entire room.

The first son bought some wool, but he was only able to fill a part of the room.The second, bought hay, but he still fell short of the objective. Finally, the third son spent 1$ and bought a candle. he lit the candle and the room was filled with light.

We all know this story. But what we don’t know is the next part.

The father was impressed by his son’s innovative thinking. Now the first brother stood-up and said, “this is all good. But what happened to the 99$ that were left ? ” But by then, the father was dead.

The third son grew up and became a  politician.

#corruption-at-its-best.

A Dollar’s worth.

Posted in Humor

Viruses, Viruses everywhere

It is that time of the year when your throat starts to pain a bit, your activities and movement speed slow down, the nose becomes itchy and you start feeling as if you are Shiva, the Hindu God which brought a river into the world to take care of a drought, from his head. Although in this case, you will be bringing a river into this world via your nose.

Go to a doctor, and he will say; ” It is a viral infection. You will be alright in a few days.”

I think the doctors will term anything as “viral” if they don’t yet know what caused the infection.

Now I am an IT guy. What I don’t understand is, why people don’t believe us when we say that the reason their computer slowed down is because of a virus. Isn’t it basically the same thing happening to a computer ?