Over so many years, I had been in Love with so many girls, but there were only a few to whom I was able to confess the feeling of Love… As it goes…
As I vividly remember, it were my college days (higher secondary school in India for the 11th and 12th grades), there was this girl on whom I had crush from the very first day of the college. She was pretty and charming and had a really beautiful smile. A smile that would melt anyone’s heart away. And above all that she had a very bubbly nature, and a added bonus, she was very friendly as well. I was head over heels for her and wished and dreamed to spend the rest of my life with…
Another year passed and we were in the Second year of the sciences, she had become the part of our group and a really good friend of mine. We shared a lot of things, those long chats, our family issues. As for our group it, consisted of two girls, her and another one from our class and three boys, including me and two of my other friends from the same branch… We were a group of smart and happy go lucky, our grades were great, even when everyone thought that we never studied, we had built a very reputable rapport with out faculties as well as our senpai’s… All was nice and dandy.. Then one day (it took a lot of planning and thinking for this day) I decided to go and express my feelings to her and win her over…
The day chosen was the last day of the college exams, the last paper, I had finally decided to go out and express all my feelings to her… Which I had bottled them up for more than a year now… and filled with little anxiety, I was expecting a positive result, since we have been in the same group and known each other for more than a year now…
The bell rang! The time of the test was upon me, the paper was over, I rushed out of the class hurriedly submitting my answer sheet to the supervisor… After searching for her at our regular spot (katta), I was a little disappointed not finding her, feeling bad was about to head back home, I saw her standing at the corner of the college sports ground.. A new hope and I literally rushed towards her! As if someone might steal her away before I did… haha!!
There I was standing in front of her, huffing and puffing, trying to catch my breath… looking into her eyes, and she staring into mine with confusion and amazement… I took a pause, looked at her, she was all confused, and in an instant blurted out all those emotions I have been bottling up for last year…
Her reaction was not what I had expected! She took a step back, looked at me and with a long pause and low voice, she replied…
“You will find someone better than me, I am not good for you…” I was standing there in amazement, confusion, heart ache and what not, thinking… what could be wrong? What does that even mean? Is she even real? Or is there something off with me? Or just maybe that I was dreaming? Trying to scream or yell at her… I tried to explain it to her and requested for an answer of if there was anything with me… Nothing was unearthed that day… With a heavy heart and full of sad emotions, I bid adieu to her, never to see and meet her ever again…
Well, it took about a year to get over that incident and I tried my luck with another girl, and to my surprise she used those same words, “You will find someone better, I am not good for you..” The flash back came in from my college days! I was again amazed and a little petrified though. This was the second time, thought that I might just be a coincidence…
But, then it happened the third and fourth time, all in a span of less than 7 years! I am really not sure if this is the real trend or is there something really wrong with me. As all the females I met, it seemed that they enjoyed my company, but when it came to long term commitment, they all have backed down with those same words, “Someone better than them…”
I am even not sure what those words really mean? But, since then I have not been able to express any feelings to any other girl ever. All of those beautiful ones, always will remain as a crush for the rest of my life… All this pretty much hurts, make me think what do all these women really want then? Or is it just that I need to focus more on myself rather?
The question is still pretty much unanswered though. Has anyone been through this before? Let me know in the comments…
