Author: Pied Piper

A quirky weird guy living in an equally weird world

Turn on the heat

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Covid 19. This has trained so many new Celebrity Chefs.

Thanks to YouTube and it’s new cooking shows, there are so many new amateur Chefs that if you take an average, there must be at-least 2.5 chefs per house hold. The .5 accounts for that guy who accidentally sets things on fire because he was watching those Youtube Videos, while cooking rather than just before he started the process.

I always find that it is so funny that every show starts with, or contains this process . : Turn your gas on.

Duh. How am i supposed to shallow fry an onion if I don’t turn the heat on ?

Anyway, I did manage to cook something and the reviews I had are 100% positive. Admittedly, those that ate it, consisted of the wife and me, but end of the day, the statistics say that the reviews are 100% positive, and that is all that matters. It is not my fault that the reviewers are limited. I Blame it all on COVID-19.

Stay safe.

Fat Kids

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One in Seven Children does not have enough food to lead a healthy and active life

I keep hearing this advertisement, every time I open You Tube. And this was followed by a plea for me to donate money to help this kids.

Well, I am pretty sure these unhealthy and obese kids, who keep visiting fast food joints which leads to them being this “One in Seven children”, feel very special. After-all they are the one in Seven now.

And, why would I sponsor this unhealthy lifestyle ? I am sure their parents are sponsoring it off their own accord.

Whats that now ? The add was about hungry people , poor people ?

Ah, well, thats a shame.

Perhaps those obese kids can lend some hand in here. It might solve two problems at once. The fat kids will be a bit more health and the hungry kids will have more to eat.

But again, on second thought, if those fat kids give the junk food to those hungry kids, it is not really making any positive impact on their health. On the contrary, we now have more people eating junk food.

.

.

.

Thus, this theory of mine is an absolute junk.

Scrap that. I am donating some healthy food to that one kid and to that hungry kid. Even if it means, the parents start chasing me and give me looks of incredulity.

Germophobia

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COVID -19, a word which has become household, now. In a day, it is uttered at least once, in every house.

The COVID -19 Situation, across the globe, is like milk to a person who is lactose intolerant. Unless you drink it, the chances of diarrhoea are minimal. Although, unlike diarrhoea, this is transmittable. And, There will always be an idiot who insists on drinking it and degrade the air quality around him.

This fear of transmission, has perhaps made me paranoid. I am sure I am not the only one who has suddenly found himself/herself to be a germophobe.

I went for grocery shopping after almost 3 weeks inside. I have been cut off from the world from all physical contact in these 3 weeks.

The feeling was horrifying.

I have started seeing germs everywhere. Well, not literally. But I see them as I see the air. I feel it.

Everywhere I go , anything i touch, i think it is full of germs. I touch a plastic container, and i have the urge of washing my hands. I touch the milk bottle, and i use a wet tissue to clean the hands. I used so much sanitiser that my hands got dry by the time I came home.

But the nightmare did not stop just yet. As soon as i came home, I took a shower using Dettol. I changed the cloths and felt that finally i was clean.

Then the though struck me . Now, I need to arrange the groceries. The same groceries that I was un willing to touch.

Oh the Horror.

A similar predicament was faced by one of my wife’s friends. She got around this, by washing everything in Dettol. Green leafy Vegies, pulses, nuts, everything. But, I think that will be too extreme.

All in All, I can now relate with the good Detective, MONK, immortalised by Tony Shalhoub,

For now, I am stying put.

Stay Alone, Stay Safe.

The Art of Speech

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It is such a wonder, that among all the creatures in the world, man developed a complex way of communication which goes beyond gestures and grunts.

The sounds that come out of our mouths are framed into words and words have an assigned meaning. This type of communication is unique to humans.

Words, however, can also cause havoc if used incorrectly.

The other day, my wife and I were watching a RomCom. The characters appealed to my wife a lot and she just thought of the days we spent before marriage. How we missed a few things before marriage and how those actions could have made the entire event, more romantic.

She had a very nice suggestion though.

She wanted to say, that we get married again.

Instead, the words that came out were, “ We should go for a second marriage”.

My heart skipped a beat, before i realised what she actually meant.

We had a very nice laugh when i explained what those words she uttered, actually meant.

Language could be very tricky albeit funny, if used improperly.

I am back…

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Yes. I am back.

One of the many things for which the COVID-19 is responsible for, is that the “(hope)-to-be” writers like me, want to spend some time expressing my thoughts.

And “forget” to shave.

And work from home in shorts and Ts.

And attempt cooking.

And can get up late.

And as soon as I get up, sit in front of the laptop and start working.

Yes… I can get used to it, but the thought itself is scary (not because of the acute shortage of toilet paper). It has been almost a month now, where we, the IT people, are working from home. I am sure this will not be healthy in the long run.

I wish this lockdown would end, sooner rather than later.

 

Stay indoors, stay safe.

 

I am too old for this Sh*t

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I still remember the day when the favourite pastime of the fairer sex, was visiting the salons.

The ladies used to spend hours and thousands to look young.

The amount of makeup it took to make a 40 year old look like a 20 year old was astonishing. Personally, I am not against beauty, but I hate the idea of looking something which you are not. It is unnatural.

Well, times have changed.

I just found the internet full of people posting pictures of an old version of themselves.

Is this progress ?

Definitely.

This is the first step for Nirvana — Acceptance of the truth.

Or maybe, as Roger Murtaugh says, I am too old for this Sh*t.

I can’t understand how a 40 year old, wears makeup to look like a 20 year old, who then uses an app to look how she will look like a 40 year old, 60 year old and 80 year old.

You don’t need an app for this, just a bucket of water.

Slumber uncertainity

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The human instintcs of Trust and Distrust are so easy to be descibed in a single situation. A situation as simple as sleep, can help as an example. A real life example.

A friend of mine has a hard time to wake up in the morning, even harder to get out of the bed and go to work.

People can be so distrustful when it comes to sleep. We have a driver who picks us up every morning. Now, it so happens that the driver is so untrusting that he will call my friend 30 mins prior to the pickup time. It was all good, till he realized that my friend received the call and yet after the call, went back to sleep. This happened a few times and the driver soon realised how unfruitful it was.

Our driver is a smart guy. He now asks for a photograph which can show a reflection of my friend in the bathroom mirror, brush in the mouth and will not disconnec the call before he gets such a photo.

This is what I call dedication to work and helps my friend be on time at his office.

Keep Stress at bay

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We all get those annoying emails from insurance companies.

They claim that we can keep the Stress and Worry at bay for just Rs. 12/-

That’s the cost of 1 cigarette.

So, the message to all is, since the world is overcrowded, the best way to to avail this offer is to apply it in our lives.

A cigarette a day might just help you make friends with your local doctor. This will create more employment opportunities in the tobacco industry as well as reduce your “stress” level from all the nocotine induced euphoria.

So, instead that insurance, go for the pack of cigarettes. Who cares about your loved ones.

Cold Blooded reactions

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Lizard

Lizards, the cold blooded reptiles are often keeping you company in your house. Most of the time you know about it, some of the time you choose to ignore about knowing it and a few times, you actually don’t know about it. The interesting fact that these mini crocodiles can clean away the pests in your house is most often, ignored. However these creatures do incite some funny reactions from those who hate them.

Some people, on spotting a lizard, innocently basking on the wall, trying to look nonchalant – will immediately start screaming on top of their voices. This leads to the neighbours to think of filing a restraining order against the husband/boyfriend/better half for domestic abuse. However, the accompanying sound of a stick banging on the wall and the male voice making “shooing” noises, calms them a bit while they revisit the memory lanes and envision themselves in a similar situation. This role is sometimes reversed, as it is not just the fairer sex who is always afraid of the lizards.

There are some husband, that I know, who have an ingenious way of dealing with this problem. It can happen that in a house, both , the husband and wife are afraid of the mini crocodiles. The usual process would go in this way.

On spotting the nonchalant Lizard, the wife will let out a shrill tune, sounding a mix between an opera singer and a Nazgul. The husband identifies this war cry and prepares himself.

He shall put on the helmet, to save himself from any injury to head due to an unscheduled fall arising from unexpected jump from the lizard. He will then pick up the “Lizard repellent”, the HIT lizard spray. The chemicals in this spray should dull the lizard, which should make it loose it grip on the wall. It will eventually fall on the ground, dazed from all the spraying it received. Now comes in the broom. A skilful use of the broom will relocate the lizard from the ground, onto a long piece of paper. The lizard will then be forcefully escorted to the outside by the husband, keeping the paper as far from his body as possible. Once outside, it will be unceremoniously dumped in a bush,  the paper will be discarded and the gladiator will return home to his loving wife.

Sometimes the shrill noise is also accompanied by the person running to a chair , and then onto a table. The logic behind this is non-explainable. If a creature can crawl on the walls, it can definitely crawl up the legs of the table.

All in all, the mini crocodile definitely suffers a lot when it is just hunting for food. the matters are not helped when people keep their houses clean and start killing the cockroaches on their own, robbing the poor lizard of its food.

Shame on such people, shame.

Annoying Neighbours

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It was 2:30 in the morning.

The doorbell rang.

I opened the door, a bit annoyed. ‘Why the hell would people disturb anyone at this hour’, I thought.

It was my next door neighbour. He just wanted to borrow some salt.

I gave him a small portion of it, he said “Good night, have a good sleep now, it is late” and went away.

I thought, ‘ It is lucky I was awake, practising rock music on my electric guitar. Else the bugger would have remained salt-less till morning’

How can people be so inconsiderate.

Annoying neighbour

  • Photo picked directly from google and I claim no ownership of it.

No Child’s Play

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We cannot always build a future for our youth, but we can always build our youth for the future.  – Franklin D Roosevelt

The news on the TV shows a child with a firearm. The title just says that he is a child soldier.

The kid, who should be playing catch with a ball, is now playing suicide with bombs.

What has the world come to, when such kids are being targeted via hate chat boards. This an improper using of chat and message boards and overall social media. Though, social media is not supposed to be at blame. it was meant to bring people together and build relations and thus spread love.

The youth/ teanagers are rebelious. They always have been, throughout the history of mankind. But when did this rebellious youth turn from running out and smoking a cigarette, to becoming a child soldier ?

It is a sad day indeed, when kids are being brought into the wars of men.

Power outage testing

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I was watching a TV series when a thought came into my mind.

Why do the characters go out and check their electric meters when the lights go out ? check if the entire area is out of electricity supply.It is not as if your previous 10 generations were electricians and your is the 11th generation.

Now, you may be wondering why this came up, so let me give you a sneak peek into my thought process.

In Pune (India), where I live, electricity cuts are very rare (contrary to popular belief). Which means, whenever there is a power outage, it is usually announced well in advanced. The possible causes are mostly maintenance, power cuts across the national grid or first drop of rain (don’t know why,but it always is the case).

Now, whenever I face such an outage, I first peep out of the window to check if the apartment next to mine has also gone dark. If it is day time, there is usually a house wife who is talking on a phone explaining to the other house wife that there is an outage at the other end.

Once confirmed that there is an outage, then I proceed to call the electricity board to lodge a complain and find out when the power will be restored.

If, however, the surrounding apartments show no such signs of outage, then I do not proceed to check my power meter.

Long exposures to such TV series / Films have taught me that there is always a killer in waiting. I proceed to call the electrician and have him look into the matter, albeit for a nominal fee.

So, Beware …

 

* This article was sponsored by “Flash Electricians”.

Their tag line :

“Afraid of getting Zapped ? Worry no more, we will help you.”

A twist in tail

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I was adopted when I was very young. A baby, actually. The family who adopted me, came into the orphanage one day, grabbed me from my cage and took me home. I still remember the feel of that blanket. I was wrapped into this soft blanket, probably by my biological parents. Smooth,silky and musty, it would soon become the only link with them. The blanket quickly became my favourite piece of cloth. It was always besides my cosy bed. That was the day I met my parents.

Father, was very fond of me when I was young. We used to play all the time. He was a cricket fan, so our favourite activity was to play  catch with the ball. I still remember the smell of the grass from the garden we used to play every evening. I purposefully rolled around in the grass. I loved it. Father knew that and so did not mid when I got mud all over my body.

After playing, we used to return home, have a small, quick wash(which I hated) and then I would sit on his lap, while he worked away on his desk till dinner was ready. I always loved the rhythmic typing he did when he sat on the desk. Although I never understood why he disappeared for hours on end in the morning, I was certain that he would appear late in the evening.

I used to love the boy who gave us our paper. Father loved when I fetched the newspaper for him in the early moring. I even used to bring his footwear when I thought he was about to go out of our house.

Mother, would always cook healthy and delicious food for us. They always cooked seperately for me, made me feel special. She would bath me in the morning, took me for my walks around the city, often to my favourite places. I especially loved the light poles and the small but thick poles (never knew what they were supposed to be for). For some reason they fascinated me. I even met others like me on our walks in the morning. Some of the people used to bend down to pat my head, some even gave a peck on my forehead.

I was having the best time of my life.

But all of this changed, suddenly after a few rainy seasons, as I got older.

Mom would no longer take interest in taking me for walks. She became fat. Even Father lost interest in me. No more games in the playground. The food was now straight out of a plastic bag and it smelled weird. Even my bed started to smell bad as it was not washed.Things were not looking good.I couldn’t even sit on my father’s lap.

Suddenly mom was taken away in a car. She seemed in terrible pain. Father went after her in the car. But they refused to take me in the car. They shouted at me. But I did not care. My mother was in trouble. I ran behind the car, but soon lost sight of it.

I returned home, eventually, worried about my mother. Father came home late that night, fed me, ate and then went out again.He looked very unhappy. It was a long night.I saw him again a bit late in the day, the next day. Now, he seemed happy and content, yet mother was nowhere to be seen. He fed me took me for a short walk and then vanished again. I was alone for the entire day.

This situation remained true for a few sunrises, when one day I finally saw mother !

Oh the joy!

I was ecstatic. I tied to leap on her lap, but father shouted at me. That’s when I noticed “her”. Like me, she was wrapped in a small blanket. Looked like I had a sister.

A few more days went by. My sister was still the center of attraction, but I loved her. I kept guard over her, being the older brother. I did not allow anyone other than mother and father to touch her. If anyone else tried, I would growl at them to warn them to stay away. No one hurts my sister!

But, now that I think back, I think mother and father did not like that. They used to growl at me to stop doing that.

Then one day, father took me out for a walk in the car. It was the happiest day in a long while.  I was finally being taken out after a long long time. probably for the first time since my sister came home.

I always loved the wind on my ears and tongue when I took my head out during these long drives. We stopped at a new place today. It looked like a corn field. I loved open spaces. Father  let me out of the car and told me to run.

So I ran. I ran to my heart’s content. It felt nice. I felt free. It had been so long since I ran so much. Eventually the excitement died down and then I realized, father was gone !

Where did he go ? Did he leave me here ? Nah. I am sure he will come back. Afterall, I am his good boy. I always wagged my tail in agreement whenever he called me a good boy.

I waited, but he never came back…

I think,they did not want me around, now that they had a baby girl to take care of. There was no place in their life for heir dog now.

Day(s) our lives

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We have heard stories, jokes and now mostly memes that Monday is a very bad day, being the first working day of the week in most part of the word for most of the professions.

I disagree, however. I think Wednesday is the worst day of the week. I know such an outrageous statement begs an explanation. So here it is.

Monday : You spend most of the day retrospecting what you did on the weekend and daydreaming about the exiting moments of your life. also wondering if the odd photo on Facebook would garner record likes, or perhaps hoping a very odd photo would never reach the Facebook.

Tuesday : Just head down and working like a donkey/ slog , completely aware that there are still 4 days to go, but relaxed of the fact that you just came from holiday a day before.

Wednesday : Middle of the week. Worked for too long, yet too long to go before yet another weekend. You have no prospect of a break and loosing all faith to live.(exaggeration perhaps) You are now so tired(mentally and completely based on unfounded belief that you don’t enjoy working ). The break you took, seemed way into the past and the one coming, very much into the future.

Thursday : Just one more day to go before the weekend. Very much exited.

Friday : The weekend is almost here. The killer anticipation of the 5 o’ clock ring, is energizing. Very much looking forward to the weekend.

Saturday / Sunday : Weekend !

Now, some might say “If you enjoy your work, every day is a weekend”.

Well, in that case, how is that called taking a break from your routine ?

 

The thinking Man…

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There are still a large number of people using old and slow HDD instead the fast SSDs.

What this means is, the boot time for the windows is so slow, that the person, with a very serious expression on his face is thinking :

” Hm. My windows is still loading.

Has it gone into a hung state ?

Should I do a restart ?

Why am I waiting so long for this ?

Should I switch to SSD ?

Do I have a virus ?

What did I open last night to get a virus?

What time did I sleep last night ? or did I even sleep ?

What is the purpose of my life ? ”

And that is why we should transfer to SSDs. Else we are going to have a lot of spiritual leaders and philosophers who spend too much time thinking on the meaning of live and a few more deep thoughts while all the installed applications boot.

Disclaimer : I use a MAC with SSD. I will no longer be a philosopher. 

Charavak, Millennials’ way of life

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In a quest to seek knowledge, I come across a variety of books from multiple different genres.

In pursuit of the same quest, I know I should be pragmatic, which means I need to keep my mind open for all schools of thought.

Recently, I started studying the Charavak Philosophy, ancient school of Indian materialism. The Charvaka epistemology states that whenever one infers a truth from a set of observations or truths, one must acknowledge doubt; inferred knowledge is conditional.

This school of thought actually appealed to my intellect.It just meant that now my mind and my intellect can be on the same page for once.

I believe, the practicality of all the things will also give way to a simpler lifestyle, though it might also take a toll on the emotional aspect of life. For eg. If you have a 6-year-old, asking how he gets a gift or a cash gift every time he keeps his tooth for the tooth fairy, it is better to lie to him out of love, rather than explain the dynamics of how economy works or how his father/mother replaces the tooth in the middle of the night.  Maybe, that is a practical thing to do, but it is still driven by emotion.

I know of how the practical approach to life fails, but I also know of how it succeeds in life. In Hindu literature, it is brilliantly explained with the notion – Ram Rajya. Named after the famous, godly king of India in 3400 BC, a kingdom, wrought in Chaos and corruption was morphed into a beautiful and law-abiding place almost similar to the concept of Eden. The citizens were very strict in following the laws which were laid down by the great Lord Ram.

Yet, the practical way of life was flawed, as the emotions came second to practicality. Over the centuries, there grew a discontent and that became the downfall of this once great philosophy.

Does it mean that the philosophy itself is wrong ? perhaps not. Each person has his own thought process. Hence the individuality of humanity comes into picture.

Now a days, due to social media, it seems like the next generation would rather “google” the answers and accept the first result (or the most convenient one)  than actually  think on whatever task they had at hand. In such a scenario, wouldn’t it make sense that we have the Charavak Philosophy integrated into the lifestyle ?

The only word which the millenniums seem to have integrated is materialism.  They think a fancy mobile, expensive clothes and fast cars is the ultimate aim of life. Hence, they spend truck loads of money on items, just to post it on social media, and then go into an endless pursuit of checking how many people “like” it. Have we become so needy ? If we are, when will we start liking our inner self ? When will we get in touch with our inner self ?

Movies and Population control

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Watch some melodramatic movies.

I think such movies are made just to control the population.

The ways to commit suicide are given is such detail, that it is as if, these buggers are helping to curb the world population by having weak minded people slit their hands in an attempt to cut the vein and have an unsuccessful attempt at dying.

It probably just makes them feel more useless, as the attempt goes unsuccessful and then they feel more depressed. When will they realise that sleeping on a railway track is the best possible option ?

Well, the movies are atleast doing something to curb the human population explosion…

Tea and Biscuits

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In India we have a cute way of eating biscuits. we dip it into tea.

Tea, the brownish liquid which is responsible for a variety of things for variety of people in India. Some, need it to awaken from their wonderful dreams, some, just so that they get the appropriate machinery working to have a successful bowel movement, some just to have the first cigarette of the day or the  first good morning of the day. A cup of tea shared between two lovers, three flatmates or few friends, at the start of the day is very soothing for most people. And the best part is, there is no age restrictions on having that great time with this amazing nectar.

This tea, is mostly drunk with a few biscuits. The biscuit is dipped into the tea( taking care the fingers don’t touch the liquid) for a few seconds till it gets a bit moist and then popped into the mouth, half at a time. and then the next half is dipped again , and consumed whole, relishing the taste of hot biscuit and tea.

Now, there are a few people who like to play pranks on people. Their modus operandi is, that they will wait for the other person to dip the biscuit into the tea and immediately ask them a question. The person becomes distracted. While he processes the question  and articulates an answer, the biscuit is too moist, so it will break off and settle down right at the bottom. Then he will use another biscuit to try to spoon it up and eat it, though mostly, he will lose that piece as well. It is very entertaining.

I recently observed this taken to the next level. I was traveling on the countryside and was taking a break from driving by have snacks at a roadside inn. There was an old villager sitting at a table, a pack of biscuits at his side. My interest peaked, waiting for the glass of tea, and then process would start.

To my surprise, a waiter brought a local brand of alcoholic drink in the same glass which served tea, and the gentleman proceeded to dip the first biscuit of the pack into it.

I was taken aback …

The atoms…

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This is an interesting thought…

ballet of words

Recently, I was reading an article from one of the science magazines. It was an article that I came across, relating to the research being conducted using LHC or the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva. The worlds most complex and advanced machine.
This article provided the details about how the scientists are trying to unravel the mysteries of the Universe and its inner workings on a level that one cannot even grasp! And they are trying to unravel the workings by smashing atom together, so that it could decay into its smaller constituents… Which could be further studied…
It got me thinking, we as humans, who are trying to understand what makes up the Universe, what are the basic components? How they came into existence? Why they are the way they are? This is something which really tips the scales of awesomeness to the MAX!!
If you think of it in this way, we…

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