Posted in Humor, Rumblings

Cold Blooded reactions

Lizard

Lizards, the cold blooded reptiles are often keeping you company in your house. Most of the time you know about it, some of the time you choose to ignore about knowing it and a few times, you actually don’t know about it. The interesting fact that these mini crocodiles can clean away the pests in your house is most often, ignored. However these creatures do incite some funny reactions from those who hate them.

Some people, on spotting a lizard, innocently basking on the wall, trying to look nonchalant – will immediately start screaming on top of their voices. This leads to the neighbours to think of filing a restraining order against the husband/boyfriend/better half for domestic abuse. However, the accompanying sound of a stick banging on the wall and the male voice making “shooing” noises, calms them a bit while they revisit the memory lanes and envision themselves in a similar situation. This role is sometimes reversed, as it is not just the fairer sex who is always afraid of the lizards.

There are some husband, that I know, who have an ingenious way of dealing with this problem. It can happen that in a house, both , the husband and wife are afraid of the mini crocodiles. The usual process would go in this way.

On spotting the nonchalant Lizard, the wife will let out a shrill tune, sounding a mix between an opera singer and a Nazgul. The husband identifies this war cry and prepares himself.

He shall put on the helmet, to save himself from any injury to head due to an unscheduled fall arising from unexpected jump from the lizard. He will then pick up the “Lizard repellent”, the HIT lizard spray. The chemicals in this spray should dull the lizard, which should make it loose it grip on the wall. It will eventually fall on the ground, dazed from all the spraying it received. Now comes in the broom. A skilful use of the broom will relocate the lizard from the ground, onto a long piece of paper. The lizard will then be forcefully escorted to the outside by the husband, keeping the paper as far from his body as possible. Once outside, it will be unceremoniously dumped in a bush,  the paper will be discarded and the gladiator will return home to his loving wife.

Sometimes the shrill noise is also accompanied by the person running to a chair , and then onto a table. The logic behind this is non-explainable. If a creature can crawl on the walls, it can definitely crawl up the legs of the table.

All in all, the mini crocodile definitely suffers a lot when it is just hunting for food. the matters are not helped when people keep their houses clean and start killing the cockroaches on their own, robbing the poor lizard of its food.

Shame on such people, shame.

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Author:

An IT professional, a Slytherin, a brooding narcissist who lives behind his keyboard.

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